Originally published in the Montreal Mirror It’s not like swinging around on a flying trapeze is something I’ve ever felt I must do in this life to feel whole. You know, the way some people feel they absolutely must try skydiving, or swimming with sharks. No, it wasn’t quite like that. My decision came about […]
This is where you’ll find most everything that doesn’t fit neatly into any other section. Humorous first person stories, my many half-hearted attempts to attain physical perfection while expending as little energy as possible, my forays into the world of swinging, colonics, and the flying trapeze, along with practical stories offering tips on everything from how to protect yourself from dishonest moving companies and lowlife auto mechanics to figuring out which aphrodisiacs and diet aids, if any, actually do what they’re alleged to do.
It’s Thursday evening in beautiful downtown Mississauga and I’m sweating in a basement conference room of the local Novotel hotel, preparing to take in the splendour of the Miss Canada International swimsuit competition. Thirty or so naive young women from across the country have taken the journey to the land of sprawl with the hopes […]
It’s that time again: Montreal’s ridiculous July 1 moving-day ritual is almost upon us, and those who’ve yet to hustle up a moving company or secure a U-Haul truck are no doubt growing increasingly desperate. And should you discover you’ve hired a shady, surly or incompetent mover, this already stressful ordeal can become a bona […]
Theoretically, I should have one hell of a messed up colon. I haven’t eaten a vegetable since 1965 and, even though I feel kind of bad about it politically, every week I probably consume about eight pounds of red meat. That’s not supposed to be the healthiest thing a man can do. In fact, just […]